


Mind games

by DelphineCormiersHips



Category: Orphan Black, Shaysima - Fandom, cophine?
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 06:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11526462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DelphineCormiersHips/pseuds/DelphineCormiersHips
Summary: I'm all about those sad vibes lately lmao kill me





	Mind games

"I remember the day you told me you were leaving..." Shay whispered, her face dropping. She was once so spiritual and happy. Now she's given up on holistic healing and doing yoga, because she can't find her happy place. She was once fine before she met Cosima. And Cosima went straight through her with a jack hammer. And this, this is what she's left behind. Shay all over her apparent floor, shattered. Gone. 

"Our relationship... it was built from lies." She went on, her tone turning bitter. "Not the fluffing up your profile kind." She smiled as her eyes watered. "But I fell for you, so it's my fault in the end." She scoffed and looked at the ground, sniffling. Cosima would bring Delphine up sometimes. Shay knew they were in love and she knew Cosima had baggage. But this was all too much for her. This.. this was more than baggage. It was almost like a double life. "You kept this all from me. You lied to me.. and yet, you hated her for doing the same things for the same reasons?.." Shay sniffled and looked up. "Protection?" She questioned, her voice shaking as she took a minute to compose herself, she swallowed before continuing on. "You know, I knew you were keeping secrets Cosima. I knew." Shay nodded and shook her head with a faint chuckle. "But this was way more than I expected. I thought you loved me..." as she spoke, her tone got more and more whiny. Unable to prevent that from happening anymore, she wiped her eyes and looked away again. As if staring would hurt more. 

"Why would you take all of me if you weren't planning on staying?" Shay asked softly. "Who does that to someone?" She sobbed her last question out, wiping her eyes and taking a few deep breaths. 

"My intentions were never to hurt you..." Cosima finally spoke out. Exhaling shakily. Great, she felt like she was on the verge of tears too. "Shay, I do love you." She reached out for the blondes hand but it was pulled back quickly. "It's just-" 

"You love Delphine more." Shay cut her off in a bitter tone, turning her head back to the brunette with a disappointed look. "You don't love me, /I/ love you. And I'll never be enough for you." She sighed. "You couldn't even break it off. You avoided me. My calls. My texts. That hurt more than it would've had you of just told me from the beginning what you wanted." Shay wiped her eyes and looked at the floor. 

Shay didn't really give time for Cosima to formulate the answers she was looking for, she just kept raving on. Each time, it hurt Cosima. But how could she explain that she loved them both. Of course Delphine was more understanding, given they've known each other longer and Delphine knows /everything/. "I kept you in the dark, yes. But it was for your own good. I didn't want you to get hurt, Shay." Cosima finally managed to squeeze in while Shay tried to compose herself. But it only made her scoff at the brunettes words. "You hated Delphine for the same reasons!" She was almost yelling now, running her bony fingers through her hair. "Don't you get it Cosima? She may have been paid. But she was still doing it out of love. For protection, she didn't care if it killed her. She wanted you out of harms way." Shay spoke a little softer, she was never really known to yell. No matter how heated things got, she ever only raised her voice a little. 

"You should know how I am feeling then." Shay whispered and cradled her head. This was all too much for her to take in. "Y-you and Delphine. You're endgame." That broke her to say, Cosima could see the pain in her eyes. "I-I was just a toy for you. A distraction. Maybe even just a person for you to parade around in front of Delphine until you won her over. Because you never stopped loving her no matter how many times you told me or yourself different!" There it went again, her voice louder like before. Her lips were trembling. She was trying to hold it together, Cosima could tell that Shay wanted to scream and let it all out. But she knew Shay too well. And she knew that was something she would do alone. 

"I-I'm sorry," Cosima whispered. "Shay, look at me.. please look at me." Cosima whined, her voice cracking. Her heart was sinking into her stomach. Shay was breathing heavily, trying to collect herself. "You broke me, Cosima. You broke me so you could be happy." Shay knew they weren't Cosima's intentions... but sometimes, things don't always happen the way you expect them too. And this, this was one of those times for Shay.


End file.
